Relationship Between Bullying and Mass Shooters

Could it be the Bullying

Each time I hear about a shooting especially a school shooting, I have two thoughts. First I wonder if the shooter was bullied while he was growing up. Second, I wonder what kind of home environment the shooter grew up in. No I’m not a psychologist, psychiatrist or FBI profiler, just a parenting expert who has studied lots of family units where children are raised. Sometimes the home environments are safe and nurturing. Other times, the environments are toxic and kids are not supported or cared for.

Bullying has no socioeconomic confines. Kids from all walks of life are bullied. I was bullied and I remember my mother trying lots of things to help me stand up for myself, including spanking me. Crazy right? When I taught at a boys high school, many teachers and coaches felt (like my mom) that the ‘bullied kid needed to learn how to fight, stand up for himself, grow up and be a man, man up and other nonsensical things that build

hate, embarrassment, and the need for retribution. In our gun-crazed society, if you can’t protect yourself, go buy a gun and annihilate your enemies. Have you noticed – all of the shooters have been male. Could that be because boys are taught to be competitive and aggressive?

But none of this is cool! There have been 18 school shootings in 2018, and this is only February. We have to develop more humane ways to teach our children how to ‘stand up for themselves’, handle bullies and be resilient when things don’t go their way.

 

Bullying is a learned behavior. Perhaps as parents, we need to find more humane ways to handle our anger and disappointments and set an example that our children can follow. They are always watching us.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

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February 21, 2018 at 3:02 pm Leave a comment

How to Successfully Communicate With Adult Children

When my children were little, we discussed lots of different topics with them and encouraged them to talk (to us) about anything. Things that were going on in their school, with their classmates, in our family and current events were all fair game. It didn’t matter whether we liked or agreed with their thoughts or not, we encouraged them to talk about whatever was going on in their lives. 

I believed if we listened to their small issues, they would be comfortable talking with us about their bigger (scarier or life threatening) issues. While I’m sure we didn’t hear everything that occurred in their lives, listening taught me three amazing lessons!

  • Like what my kids liked
  • Be open-minded
  • Ask questions of interest

These three tips allowed me to stay relevant with my children as they became adults. As I approached adulthood, I had secrets that I never shared with my mom or dad. I didn’t want to be judged or reminded, so I didn’t share many things that were going on in my life. As much as I loved my parents, I didn’t want to hear them say, “OMG why’d you do that?” No adult really wants to hear that.

However, I wanted a more open relationship with my children, especially as they became adults. I wanted to stay relevant in their lives. As an example, I liked rock music growing up. When my son realized that I was OPEN to listening to grunge and alternative music, he would invite me to listen to new songs that he liked. “Hey Mom, listen to this.” Keeping that doorway open into his adulthood, allowed to me ask him, “So what’s new?” He could choose to either tell me about some new music he liked, or share a more personal thought or concern.

The same was true with my daughters. I wasn’t afraid to share some of my ‘young woman’ mistakes with them, hoping they wouldn’t make those same mistakes. In turn, they were comfortable sharing their life with me. On the way to learning more about them, I continue to learn more about myself. Isn’t life grand?

It’s never too late to start a conversation with your children. If it’s a new experience, start small, but be consistent. The rewards will change your relationship in a positive way.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

February 11, 2018 at 5:01 pm Leave a comment

How to Best Support Your (Child) Athlete Before They Are Sexually Abused

I have a young great-niece named Alyssa who is amazing. She taught herself how to do backflips watching YouTube videos. She was such a natural athlete, that she’s starting on one of the leading gymnastics teams in Illinois.

But That’s not why I’m telling you about Alyssa. As I listen to the most recent stories about adult gymnasts who were sexually abused and violated as children by Larry Nassar, I think about our sons and daughters who are young athletes. I hope sexual abuse will never happen to them.

According to childwelfare.gov, your daughter has a 1 in 4 chance and your son has a 1 in 6 chance of being molested. That’s pretty scary!

If a coach or doctor touched your child inappropriately would she or he be able to tell you what was happening? Don’t worry about the authorities, believing that a violation had taken place. How would you handle the situation?

According to Everyday Feminism, many kids are afraid to tell their parents that they’ve been sexually abused, because they are afraid that they will be in trouble. Let’s be proactive instead.

Here are 5 ways to talk to your kids about sexuality and abuse:

1. Have calm, casual conversations about appropriate & inappropriate touch – often.

2. Begin talking to them as young as 2 years old. Make the conversations age appropriate.

3. Teach them the actual names of their private parts.

4. Share the only instances when their private parts can be seen and touched.

5. Let them know what appropriate and inappropriate touching is.

It’s important that your child know they have the right to control their bodies. Help them feel comfortable to talk about their body to you (as their parent) and to tell you immediately if someone touches them inappropriately. Most important – please believe them if they tell you someone has touched them (inappropriately), no matter who it is.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to comment in the Reply section below.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

 

January 22, 2018 at 4:57 pm Leave a comment

Websites that Help You Get and Stay Organized and in Control

Want to get the knack for organizing your home and your life, but need of a little extra inspiration? Want some fresh ideas, or maybe you would just like to connect with like-minded people?  There are many different websites out there that provide a wealth of information, ideas and tips, as well as provide a place where people can go and share their own ideas, mistakes, and offer support to one another.  A few of the most popular home organization websites are listed next.

Visit FLYlady.net for tips on how to conquer the clutter in your life and how to overcome the CHAOS factor, which stands for Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome.  This group teaches you how to use an organizational journal and encourages you to shine your kitchen sink often.  Followers are often referred to as FLYbabies, and the group is currently over 300,000 members strong.  Visit this site at www.flylady.net.

Large comprehensive websites such as http://www.ivillage.com, http://www.msn.com, and http://www.google.com all have a wealth of articles and advice available for you on many different topics to help your home and life run more smoothly.  There are other groups out there that you can sign up for online to become a member of to chat with people, or there are various message boards available that you can post ideas, tips and suggestions on for other readers.

If you’re looking for websites that offer ingenious organizational and time-saving products, there are plenty of them to be found on the Internet.  Lillian Vernon, Harriet Carter, Rubbermaid and Kitchen-Plus.com all offer innovative and unique ideas for your home, office and car.

Various newsgroups and e-mail newsletters abound on the Internet.  Take some time and find a few of them that you have found to be useful, and subscribe to them so you’re always sure to get the latest time-saving tips and organizational ideas.

Interested in learning more about removing clutter out of your life? Contact me – C. Lynn Williams, founder of Finding Superwoman™, to receive information about my inspiring coaching programs: www.findingsuperwoman.com

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

Finding Superwoman™ Founder

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 17, 2018 at 1:17 pm 1 comment

What Does 2018 Mean to You?

As I wrote in my last 2017 blog, my thoughts were dark and scary. I felt like some of my solid surfaces had crumbled and things that were normally in order and in place simply weren’t there.

As a person who wears a lot of hats: writer, blogger, wife, mother, entrepreneur, I juggle lots of tasks and activities. It only works well when I’m doing things that support me like:

  • feeding myself good foods
  • getting rest
  • having interesting conversations
  • doing meaningful work
  • connecting with my spiritual source (daily)
  • staying connected with my husband

When either of these stop happening, I find myself “Lost in Space” and freaked out. That happened at the end of last year and it didn’t feel good. However, I did two things that got me on the road to a successful 2018. First I recognized that I had lost touch with myself. Second I attended Watch Service on New Year’s Eve at my church.

As the heart of the family, women feel everything. We feel the conversations that need to happen and anticipate what we intend to say. We feel the frustration of our kids when something doesn’t work out the way they’ve expected. We feel it when our spouse has pulled away from us and it’s time for a heart to heart conversation. We feel when our own spirit has been become restless because we’ve stayed too long in a job or business that no longer feeds us mentally or economically.

The issue is how to have those conversations and continue to move forward, instead of getting stuck. At the end of last year, I had gotten stuck. It was a foreign feeling for me and I almost didn’t recognize what was going on.  However, I had a mild asthma attack! Something I haven’t had in years. Metaphysically, asthma is a deep cry from a soul to be loved and to be cared for. I argued with myself for a day or two – I’ve been loving and caring for myself. Haven’t I? I started taking time to meditate again and did some soul searching. I decided I had more work to do with myself and in my relationships.

What I know is that life is a series of processes. As you work on one area and get it to where you like it and it works well, you realize another part of you needs work. Once that’s done, it may be time to work on the relationships in your life. Are they meeting your needs? Are you meeting theirs? We’re used to overhauling our business and household, but taking a good look at ourselves and our significant others is also important too.

So for 2018, what are you doing differently?

Imagine what it’s like have great time management and work-life balance! If you are struggling to make this happen, Click Here to schedule a complimentary discovery session with me. Want to be a part of something supportive? Click Here to join my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, creator of Finding Superwoman™

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

January 5, 2018 at 1:43 pm Leave a comment

How to Vanquish Those Dark Places

I love the holidays because I get to see my children who live in other cities, as well as family members that we don’t see except during the holidays or on special occasions.

Sending out Christmas cards and buying gifts is fun too, provided I stay within my budget. But those are outer fun things to do as I prepare for the Christmas holidays. I also prepare myself and our home by declaring spiritual intentions of peace, joy and love into each person that comes to visit or spend a longer time with us.

This year was no different except that I didn’t give myself enough time to 

meditate (each day). I usually like to get up before everyone else, find an unoccupied room, pray, give thanks and do some yoga stretches. It puts me in a great frame of mind, ready to handle my day.

This year my routine got interrupted. We had out of town family staying with us three weeks before Christmas and I was helping out with other’s morning routines. My routine was interrupted.

During the week of Christmas, I ended up with a head cold and lots of negative, irritable thoughts that seemed to come out of nowhere. Confrontational thoughts and situations started resurrecting themselves in my mind and I found I was not feeling very superwomanish!

I don’t know about you, but feelings of confrontation, dislike and irritation slip in while I’m asleep. When the morning comes and I feel a mood change from Ms. Happy to Ms. Grinch, here’s what I do:

  • Repeat whatever positive meditations I can remember. It helps pull my energies from negative thoughts to more positive ones.
  • Take a long shower. While in the shower, I play a Louise Hay or Abraham meditation or some gospel music. It uplifts my mood.
  • If the weather isn’t ridiculously cold (like it is right now in Chicago), go for a walk or run. The time with nature and the exercise will increase your endorphins and you’ll feel more positive.

If the dark places are still hanging around you and seem to be unshakeable, reach out to someone who specializes in mental health issues and talk about it.

I believe a great life is our inheritance. Whether you enjoy it or not is your choice.

C. Lynn Williams

#MsParentguru & Founder of Finding Superwoman™

www.clynnwilliams.com

December 27, 2017 at 3:23 pm 2 comments

Don’t Be Afraid to Let Go

Have you ever held onto something that you knew you needed to let go off? A relationship… job… business… Sometimes we hold on tightly because we’re afraid of what the change will mean in our life. And sometimes we’re just afraid of the change itself and what it will mean for our future.

I’m thinking about the changes that I’ve made in my life. Many of them were life-changing. Others were more spiritually oriented and required that I change my thoughts, expectations or wants. Each change made me the women that I am today.

2018 is a year of positive change for me. I can feel it, and today I decided that I am open and receptive to what that will mean for me.

What changes are awaiting you? Are you ready embrace them and move forward? Let’s go!

C. Lynn Williams

#MsParentguru & Founder of Finding Superwoman™

www.clynnwilliams.com

December 20, 2017 at 2:02 pm Leave a comment

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