If you Divorce Mom Does it Mean You Divorce Me Too? #DivorceHurts

March 23, 2014 at 4:44 pm 2 comments

I remember when my parents divorced, I was actually happy! I know that sounds strange, but my dad had started drinking more heavily, and I felt Divorce_piecesuncomfortable around him. He was my lovable dad, but I didn’t like being hugged by him when he reeked of alcohol!

I was happy, and yet my family was breaking up. As a teen, I thought I understood (in my little teen mind) what was going on, but I had no idea that mom and dad divorcing would be a terrible thing for all of us, especially my brother. My mom initiated the divorce, the details didn’t really matter. What did matter was that once my dad moved out, our relationship as his children seemed to change forever.

He would tell my mom (or tell me) that he was coming to get us and visit, but often he didn’t. We saw him occasionally which didn’t make much sense to me, but I had already put up a wall of protection around me – so I told myself I didn’t care. I don’t remember how my sister felt, but my brother started acting out. He got in trouble in school; starting hanging around the ‘bad’ boy next door and stealing from the local store. When that happened, my dad came around and beat his behind. My law enforcement uncle came around more often to talk with my brother. He got the attention he craved, at a high emotional cost. As I became an adult, I asked my father why he promised to visit and didn’t. His answer was that he often had no money to give us and it was hard for him to come around us as a broke dad.

Yes, I truly felt that when our parents divorced, we also divorced the parent who left.  This story is for those of you with children who are contemplating divorce; already going through divorce or completely divorced. I get it! Living with someone you no longer get along with for whatever reason is unbearable. I’ve divorced too! I’m sure my children feel the sting that divorce left on them, because they no longer saw their father daily. Please consider an arrangement that allows your ex-spouse to see their kids as often as possible. Get your emotions and hurt feelings out of the way and allow your children to continue to love you and your ex no matter what.    #DivorceHurtsDivorce

 

If you want to read more #divorcehurts, follow My Blog and sign up for my Parenting Newsletter. Want to ask questions or dialogue with me about how tough adult issues affect our families; reach out to me on Twitter @cgwwbook or on my Facebook fan page www.Facebook.com/CGWWBooks.     #DivorceHurts

 

 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Author & Generational Development Strategist

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
 

P.S. Hey… I have a new book coming out soon about #BlendedFamilies.
Contact me if you want to read a short excerpt…

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Entry filed under: abandonment issues, alcoholism, brother, Dad, divorce, family, fathers, mom, Parenting, sister. Tags: , , , , , , .

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2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Faiza Khan  |  October 30, 2014 at 4:16 am

    Being from a broken family I totally condemn divorce as it does a great damage to the child’s growth. Until and unless the couple have no children the decision is theirs but when they have children the decision should be child centered. Believe me no child would like to see the parents divorced come what may, they are too tender to be hurt emotionally. Even if you substitute their mom or dad with Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt they would still want to replace them with their mom and dad.A family is a God gift to us preserve it,cherish it and enjoy it. Many a times I have serious disputes with my husband but we both always sort it out because we know our priority is our family and not our confrontations. Believe me when sit after a dispute and think about it we laugh how silly it was, although we belong to two different backgrounds but our priorities are the same – our children.

    Reply
    • 2. C. Lynn Williams  |  October 31, 2014 at 10:08 pm

      Faiza, I so completely agree with you! Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts with me.

      Reply

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