Gun Violence Begins at Home

June 15, 2016 at 11:21 am 4 comments

acceptance

Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, all I wanted was to be accepted for who I was – glasses and all, and look like my best girlfriend Susan. What I later learned is that it wouldn’t have mattered what I looked like, because most kids wanted to look like or be someone else.

While most of my friends had strict parents, I didn’t have any close friends (that I knew of) whose parents were verbally (or physically) cruel. I say that because as a kid we had parental permission to visit our close friends and I often watched how my friends’ moms and dads interacted with them. Yes I’ve been fascinated with family dynamics since I was a kid. I know what it’s like to grow up in a house where you’re constantly criticized or made to feel bad for who you are. I’ve seen it firsthand. As a child, it feels awful to be constantly criticized.Not Communicating

I also feel sorry for parents who expect to have (what they consider to be) normal kids, who aren’t. Maybe the child is sick, disabled/handicapped or have a different sexual orientation. It’s understandable to expect your child to grow up and be awesome! All parents want that. But when your child grows up and chooses a career or life that you did not expect or don’t value as acceptable, what do you do?

I believe you internalize your disappointment and think you’ve failed as a parent. Depending on your upbringing, you become critical of that young man or woman and say hurtful things that create division and separation. But let me tell you what can happen to that young man or woman; they feel rejected and hurt. You may never hear those feelings because it’s not safe for them to share them with you. If the dynamics in your household is violence and anger, they internalize that too.

Think about it! The gun violence over the last 6 years has often been random and impersonal. As a kid, if you haven’t been hugged, kissed or told how much you are loved (by your parents); if your only validation was to be told ‘How stupid you are’, ‘You’ll never amount to anything’, ‘I wish you were never born’ or ‘Shut up’; you’re ignored or beaten, it is easy to see how you would internalize those feelings and become bitter.

Anytime I read or hear about a mass or random shooting, I wonder what kind of environment that person grew up in. Were they loved, nurtured and well-cared for? Or were they allowed to do their own thing and somewhat ignored because their parents worked (a lot), didn’t know how to reach out to them, didn’t care. Gun violence photo

I am truly sorry for the mass shootings in Orlando, as well as the daily shootings in Chicago. Folks wake up! It’s not too late to reestablish a loving relationship with your child – no matter how old they are. ♥♥

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and Sons. Email me at: info@clynnwilliams.com

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author

www.clynnwilliams.com

Trying to Stay Sane While Raising Your Teen (St. Paul Press, 2010)
The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son (St. Paul Press, 2012)
Raising Your Daughter Through the Joys, Tears & HORMONES! (220 Publishing, 2013)
Yours & Mine: The Winning Blended Family Formula (220 Publishing, 2015)

 

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Entry filed under: acceptance, adolescents, caring, Chicago, Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church, Orlando, parent expectations, Parenting, parenting adult children, parents making mistakes, violence. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

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4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. oladele  |  June 23, 2016 at 2:13 pm

    This is really true. In most cases of gun violence, most of those involved have had a difficult upbringing. Many have never known what is like to be loved and shown affection. We hope parents will realise that despite their good intention of trying to provide for their kids, it will also be good to create time for them. To do things for them, to love them and resist the urge to pour out their frustrations on them. Though l agree that sometimes it is not so easy but then we’ve got to keep on trying. Well done for the fine post.

    Reply
    • 2. C. Lynn Williams  |  June 23, 2016 at 4:23 pm

      Dele – thank you for your comments. It is only through reflection, discussion and love as a community of parents will we be able to reverse the destruction we are experiencing.

      Reply
  • 3. Jason  |  July 4, 2016 at 10:51 pm

    It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy.

    I have read this post and if I could I want to suggest you some interesting
    things or advice. Maybe you could write next articles referring to this
    article. I desire to read even more things about it!

    Reply
    • 4. C. Lynn Williams  |  August 29, 2016 at 12:02 pm

      Thanks Jason I hope not to have to wrote more articles about gun violence, but I will.

      Reply

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